Monday, October 4

half full

As some of you probably already know I got the unhappy news last week that I didn't pass the bar exam.  And to add insult to injury, it turns out that I passed half the bar and the half that I did not pass I only missed by 2.5 percentage points. UGH.

Of course I was devastated when I saw that I hadn't passed. I don't think I could have studied any harder and I just felt like I had let everyone down. Disappointed everyone. I tried my best, and my best wasn't good enough. I don't know that there is anything worse than the feeling of being inadequate.

When I found out I went home and cried and cried and then took a looong nap. Everyone knew that Friday was the day we found out so I had to take lots of calls and texts asking me for the news. The news everyone expected to be happy. Then I had to let them all know, over and over, that I fell short. I tried to keep things in perspective....I told myself I would allow myself the day to mourn but that on Saturday I was waking up and moving on.

Friday night two of my best friends came to my house with lots of pinot noir for a pity party in my honor. We watched scary movies (bc ppl in scary movies have lives way worse than mine) & ate Chinese food. I did some much needed venting and some more crying while they reassured me that no one was disappointed...disappointed for me, but not in me... That life would go on.

And life has gone on....surprisingly I'm already over it. I can totally do this! If I was only points away from passing, then I know I will pass in February. Until then I have lots of things to look forward to. I think I had expected finding out that I hadn't passed to be the worst thing to ever happen to me, but it's not even close. I'll be fine and I will be a great attorney...one of these days :)






15 comments:

Hilary Lane said...

Now you have the experience of taking the exam once under your belt, so you know exactly what to expect. And if you were that close last time, you'll definitely nail it this time! Good luck!

kLl said...

This time you will rock it! I'm so happy you can see things in such a positive way bc you will be a kickass attorney one of these days!

Glitterista said...

I completely agree with KLl's comment about your positivity! I'm glad you had friends over for a pity party--sometimes they help so much.

Polish and Pearls said...

Oh no! When I fail something, I feel like the closer I was to passing, the worse it feels!

Don't stress sweetie, you'll do great the next go around!

Chinese food, movies, friends, and wine always helps :)

Danielle said...

I'm so sorry! If it's any consolation, JFK Jr. had to take it like 3 or 4 times before he passed. Hang in there, you'll get it next time (:

Monique said...

You have your blog friends that are so sorry for this god awful test. It has torn so many of my girlfriends. UGH! But they all rose above it and are now kicking some royal butt at being great attorneys. Keep up the great work girl!!

LawGirl said...

Keep your head up! You're right, you will pass in February. Sorry to hear the news but keep your chin up. Its all going to work out!

Miss Type-A said...

You have the right attitude! Honestly you're right-- you ARE going to be a great lawyer-- and did not fail because you won't be- it's a few points for gods sake! Everyone has missed something and been super close at some point in their life, so it happens! Definitely a disappointment but like your friends said-- FOR you, not IN you. Hang in there girl! :)

Sara said...

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. The bar exam is a bitch of a test. I couldn't believe how hard it was. Not that it makes you feel any better, but you're definitely not the first, nor will you be the last. Some of the best and brighest in my class didn't pass the first time. But that didn't stop any of them from getting good jobs, being good attorneys and passing the second time. Everything happens for a reason. Hang in there and try try again.

Natalie said...

thinking about you! you seem to be on the better side of it now, but damn it sure does sting doesnt it? disappointment is the worst, in my opinion. kudos to you for even taking it, and keep the faith that there will be another chance and at least this time you will be going into it with EXPERIENCE, which counts for a heck of a lot!

oh, and so does pinot ;)

Lauren said...

I'm so sorry! I know you will pass in February--I'm so proud of you for keeping such a positive attitude!

Kerr said...

so sorry to hear this. keep up the positive attitude!

Jill said...

well poo. I tried to post something positive and cheery but it didn't go through. anyway, keep your head up beautiful girl! we will all be here cheering you on next go round :)

Kassie said...

Oh I'm so sorry. My brother is an attorney, and one of his law school buddies didn't pass the bar by one question!! She was crushed. I'm glad you took the time to cry. You are going to pass the bar next time and be an amazing lawyer!!

Brit said...

Girl, I'm just now getting caught up and I hate that you didn't pass on the first try. My friend Ginny didn't get into PA school on the first try either and she is trying again next time too! I will tell you the same thing I told her. As long as you did your very best then the only way to look at it is that for some reason that we may never know, God's timing is not right now! Just trust that He truly is in control and use and be thankful for this time before the next try because for some reason.... this time was given to you for a special reason! Embrace it! It sucks it didn't work out the way you had hoped, but there's always a second try and the way you hoped is always so much worse than the way God wants for you anyway! I'm so proud of you! And like you said... seriously? a few points? I see how that's the most frustrating part! You were so close, but that's all the much more reason to celebrate because I bet next time you will be a shoe in! Love you girl!