The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

(Legal Version, Author Unknown) 

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain 

 improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of 

 stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse. 

  

 A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and 

 around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ 

 St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime 

 thereafter. 

  

 The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House, were 

 located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, 

 i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited 

 to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in 

 said dreams. 

  

 Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as 

 "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the 

 second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained 

 period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of 

 headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.) 

  

 Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the 

 unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e. the lawn, a 

 certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of 

 the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the 

 cause of such disturbance. 

  

 At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of 

 wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being 

 pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) 

 reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the 

 previously referenced Claus. 

  

 Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the 

 approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal 

 co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder 

 and Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is 

 further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named Rudolph may have been 

 involved.) 

  

 The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer 

 intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences 

 located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle 

 was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or 

 nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or 

 implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the 

 chimney. 

  

 Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue 

 from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the 

 aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what 

 appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances 

 and health regulations. 

  

 Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor 

 children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. 

 (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the 

 applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.) Upon completion of such task, Claus 

 touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of 

 the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as 

 "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination. 

  

 However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, 

 the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry 

 Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.

Happy Christmas Eve Ya'll!